10 Lessons for the Boardroom (and wherever politicians hang out).


Dear dudes-in-power: stop saying stupid shit. Although we all enjoy watching a dazzling downfall, here are some lessons to avoid having one of your own. Please put them up on the wall at the Meteoric Rise Clubrooms and in the Long and Tedious Stairway to Democratic Leadership. Kind regards, chicks with kids, chicks generally, and probably most other men.

1. Don’t say things like ‘some women’s bodies just don’t actually work.’ Seems obvious now doesn’t it? It is best not to blame a woman’s thighs/butt/boobs/face/smile/big toe for anything. They didn’t do it.

2. Don’t get all jumpy and jittery about breastfeeding. It’s not flashing, it’s feeding. Get over it. If you can’t get over it, just shut up about it. If you can’t shut up about it, get therapy.

Breastfeeding. Not weird at all.

Breastfeeding. Not weird at all.

3. If you are looking around your office and thinking ‘there are only more men here because women are too emotional with all their baby stuff to do this job’, have another thought. It’s not that, it’s something else. No, no, really, it’s still not that.

4. Don’t fire or demote anyone because of their attractiveness, unattractiveness, what they are wearing, or bra size. While you are out there not firing people, don’t fire anyone for being pregnant.

5. Avoid sniffing chairs, flicking bra straps, or suggesting you and your colleague had hot sex in a past life. Good rule of thumb is: don’t do or say anything to your colleague that you wouldn’t do or say to your own mother.

6. It is a great idea to pay all humans the same salary if they are doing the same job in the same company, with the same responsibilities, having had the same amount of experience.

7. If a woman is showing anger, don’t do that cat ‘rowr’ thing. It is just like a man showing anger, it is called being angry.



8. If a woman is upset, do not assume or imply she has PMT. Assume something or someone has upset her. It might even be you.

9. Before you philosophize about stay-at-home parents versus working parents, don't.

10. She didn’t ask for it. She is not to blame. She wasn't in the wrong place at the wrong time. Never ever, no matter what.

Want to know more about being a man-in-power and steering clear of comments that will precede your spectacular downfall? Read up on everything Tony Abbot has ever said, and go with the complete opposing view.